Fade Out
by Deathbat37
Summary: While Roger battles with his worsening disease, another battles wth the fear of being left alone and solves it the only way they know. Rated M for mature themes and because it's Rent.


div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I tore the front door of the loft open feeling the tears fall against my face. The sudden reality of what was going to happen to me had suddenly just hit and it had hit hard. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"The news that death was just around the corner made me want to vomit. I wasn't ready for this, any of this that was coming, but their was nothing I could do. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I collapsed onto the couch holding my head in my hands tears falling freely from my eyes. This wasn't and couldn't happen! I was too young for this!/div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I tried to calm down enough to think clearly though I never was really good at that. My spinning head kept repeating the same words: AIDS, sickness, death. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I knew I needed to calm down more than anything that moment. Writing usually calmed me down so I reached for my bag before realizing I'd left it with Roger. Stupid idiot. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I walked into our small kitchen and found a sheet of paper lying out in the open with a pencil not far. I laughed a little. It was if someone knew I had needed this piece of my life though I knew it was most likely from Roger trying to write a song, leaving it out because he was a lazy asshole. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I grabbed the page in my fist and practically ran into the bathroom knowing that was the only place I could get the privacy I deserved. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I tried to think of how I could escape the fate that was coming for me and a cold solution emerged. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I reached into the cabinet next to our shattered mirror and found what I was looking for, a razor. I quickly wrote out a note and slammed it onto the countertop. I switched the water on taking a look at the razor in my hand reconsidering the choice I had decided. I shook my head. This was the only way and I knew it. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I pulled the razor across my soft pale wrist and winced slightly at the pain. It hurt but in a way it also felt good. I turned to the other wrist repeating the procedure though deeper this time. In a few moments everything went black as I fell into the bathtub that had already began to fill with water. I was finally free from fear. I was fading... /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" Switch POV/div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I smiled as Collins finished telling his story. I looked around the room at the rest of the group who all had the same problem I had before noticing someone was missing. I stood up from my chair which caused, Paul I think his name was, to pause from his speech about life. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;""You alright Roger?" He asked me and I nodded though I wasn't sure that was true or not. I looked to Collins who had noticed my unease before I half ran to the bag left on the empty chair by the deserter. I looked to Collins again, something just didn't feel right. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;""I'm going home," I told the group picking up the quite heavy bag before heading away from the meeting. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"As I exited the building the wave of unease hit me again quickly running back to the loft. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I saw the door wide open which was weird. Someone was their but I don't think the current occupant would leave the door ajar like that. That was unless Maureen had stopped by. I saw the bathroom door shut and heard the water flowing behind it, a similar to the scenario I had come back to before I had seen my ex girlfriend dead on the bathroom floor. This made me cringe even more as I walked closer to the door. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"That was when I saw the blood leaking out under the door. I screamed Mimi's name and within moments I heard a voice behind me, "Roger?" It asked and I turned to see her in all her radiant glory which made my life go on. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I turned back to the bathroom door beyond confused. I set Mark's bag down before taking in a deep breath. I managed to force myself to open that door not daring to look at the bathtub. The first think I saw was the the note. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"Roger, /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I know these last few days have been hard for you but they were even harder for me. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I can't stand watching you die, it's breaking my heart. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"After hearing the virus had finally consumed you I got scared, really scared and I knew I would be left alone after you were gone. I can't stand anymore death. First April then Angel and now you. If I had to attend another fucking funeral I would have gone insane. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I know this will kill you but you have Mimi, you'll get over it eventually just like she also pulled you out of the shadows of April's death she will do it again now. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"You can tell the others I'll miss them as well but I wasn't ready to live alone. I know it's selfish but I was more scared of loneliness than death which was why I chose this. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I'm sorry Roger, and I love you.../div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"-Mark/div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I looked at the note and stared in shock at the scratched writing on the page. This was impossible. I glanced at Mark's body blood flowing freely from his wrist. I half expected him to wake up as Mimi had but one look at the cuts on his wrist were enough to tell me that wouldn't happen. /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;" /div  
div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"I exited the room ignoring Mimi's words asking me what happened. I stormed into my own room ripping out a small bag of April's I had hidden under my mattress. I emptied the contents out of the bag finding what it was I wanted. I did what I haven't done in years, I grabbed the needle and stuck it into my arm in denial of what I had just seen. I was fading.../div 


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